How To Create A NEW VERSION Of Yourself In 2023!

In today's blog of women of impact, we'll discuss the incredible aura inspiring Sanza d Doze here and sharing her darkest battles I don't feel smart I don’t feel worthy I don't feel valuable this is my truth, and how her struggles of self-worth value, and self-esteem when she fell pregnant at the young age of just 14. I can remember saying I can do better than this as a very public daughter of the famous pioneer bishop d Jake she talks about everything from overcoming shame judgment self-betrayal and toxic relationships when we know that I am betraying myself to being in a relationship with someone.

I have to ask myself what am I receiving to them that is so valuable that I am willing to betray myself a New York Times bestselling author of women evolve she is here to be the most beautiful example that your past doesn't ever define your future ask me to let that sit that was so powerful girl welcome to women of impact with the ever-evolving powerhouse Sarah jakes Roberts welcome to the show Sarah thank you for having me I am so excited oh my god me too I’ve read your book it is freaking amazing I have pulled out so many wonderful things for us to talk about but to me.

I think the very first place that I want to start which is a very bold statement that I heard you say is about self-worth and that you believe that this is actually the biggest challenge you think that women face today for sure so I actually want to start there what does self-worth mean to you oh self-worth is my belief that I belong wherever I am in whatever room or space that I’m in and that I bring value to that space that I'm not just there because someone else couldn't come or I’m not just there because they didn't find someone better.

I bring value no matter where I am and I feel like so many times women go into a space wanting someone to validate their existence or for someone to give them validation and worth and yet self-worth is believing in the value that I bring when I come into a room or space okay that's amazing so how on earth do you go from someone that doesn't have the self-worth to being able to so freaking articulate what it means to you okay so I am coming from someone who didn't believe that I had a lot of worth or value and it was because of what I had gone through I felt like because I'm a teen mom. I'm a divorcee because I dropped out of college I am not as valuable as a person who doesn't have scars it wasn't until.

I really began to examine my scars that I realized the wisdom of my ability for me to talk to different people in different spaces my scars actually added to my value and didn't subtract from my value and so I began to learn that I can go into spaces that maybe other people couldn't go into the only reason why I'm talking to you today is because of the very thing that I thought didn't give me value the only reason why I'm able to connect with the women I've been blessed to connect with is because of the very thing that I thought took away from my value but I do think that it takes confronting our scars confronting our experiences and gleaning the wisdom and the lessons and compassion connected to those moments in our life okay so how then or where do we even start right because that's so beautiful.

I completely agree but take me back to that moment where so you know you were 13 yeah fully pregnant and I'm sure everything you just said didn't feel real at that time right now so take me through that um how you managed to really keep going and then how you started to pass through your mental emotional state to be able to get to the point where you can now look back and say I wouldn't be sitting here because it's somewhat it's beautiful to say things in hindsight right but right now I think about that one person that is struggling just how you were what are the things that we can say or that you can say that can really shake them to believe.

hey, this is what you can do I've done it too so take me back to that to the very start if you will okay so I got pregnant at 13 I had my son at 14 years old and I wish that I could tell you that I started healing and forgiving myself at that moment but I didn't I was so ashamed I was so afraid that other people wouldn't read my worth or my value that I wanted to pile other things on top of that truth so my truth was that I got pregnant as a teenager but I wanted my truth to also be that I graduated high school early.

I got the marriage that I had the white picket fence because I felt like if I add some good truth then maybe the truth that stings won't sting is badly what I learned is that it's still stung no matter what I tried to achieve it stung no matter the marriage the white picket fence the achievements it's still stung and so it wasn't until I did as we do when we go to a doctor and really started pinpointing where does it hurt the most what is it about this experience that hurts the most what are the thoughts connected to what happened in your life that is now becoming a part of your actions and your self-worth.

when I started thinking well okay I don't think that I really deserve a good relationship I don't think that I am as valuable or as smart as the woman beside me people would tell me that I was smart growing up and I was a smart girl doesn't get pregnant at an early age and so I had to really come to this space where I realized I don't feel smart I don't feel worthy I don't feel valuable this is my truth and as painful as that was to say it was also liberating because I took the whisper that was haunting me and taunting me throughout my life and finally gave it a voice and when I finally gave it a voice I had to ask myself now do you want to think like this act like this and believe like this for the rest of your life who would you be.

if you did not believe this who would you be if you felt like you know what there's nothing you can do to change it but what do I want to do with what you have leftovers everything we're going to do in our life is going to happen with leftovers our dream our ambition our purpose is beautiful but you know the ingredients our leftovers and so whether you're left over is you're a widow or you're a single mother or you dropped out of school when you look at your leftovers you get to say what meal do I want to create with what I have left and am I willing to do the work to put it together whoa I've never heard of it say um been said like that before that really hit me the leftovers wow girl oh girl.

all the powers in the leftovers anyone who we've ever admired if we really listen to their story and choose to not be blinded by their achievements then we will hear that everything happened with their leftovers that they said well this is what I have left and so I took it and I decided to start the business in my garage or I took it and I decided to write the book with my computer the leftovers are where all the glory is I've never had that was so far the leftovers that are so empowering because in those moments where you're shrugging and you're judging the leftovers where you want to get rid of the leftovers you want to hide the leftovers you want to trash it.

it's the reframe I'm such a fan of perspective is everything right if you think something is bad then you will act in accordance if you think something is beautiful you act in accordance so reframing the leftovers is amazing and I love what you were talking about of letting the whispers speak and I've heard you talk you I think you call it um you let the poison speak yeah the poison you know um I came to this epiphany I thought that I had been in a toxic relationship with an individual.

I realized that the poison really started with me that I had my own poison that my insecurities were constantly pumping into my veins that fear was constantly pumping into my veins and I realized that as long as I was poisoned I could only attract poison and the only way to get the poison out is to begin to speak and allow it to come out of you so that you can read just how toxic my thoughts are just how toxic this false confidence is this false positivity.

I have it out there now I have room to just be authentic and real about where I am and that way I can be transformed a lot of times we ask for transformation but we only want the transformation to be connected to this false version of who we are but the transformation is about authenticity and the more real the more authentic the more vulnerable you can be the more opportunity we have to transform those leftovers into glory wow and as you're talking I love the analogies and things that you're saying like the purge you said it kind of made me think about when you have food poisoning yeah right what is the first thing you do you throw it.

all up you get rid of it gotta get it out of me I feel like even like maybe someone's reading right now and they're like I've been holding this in for so long this pain this insecurity this fear has been inside of me too long because I'm afraid if I let it out that I don't know who I'll become I'm afraid if I let it out that it'll make a big mess well girl we know how to clean up messes let it all out let it pour let it purge get it all out of you and then we can begin to clean up what is left over after you have these moments but it can't it's not doing you any well staying inside of you okay.

when you're you're allowing the poison to come in yeah in those moments it doesn't feel great right it really does you're having to face yourself you're having to face your own ego your own negative thoughts and in those moments our instinct really is to just stop how do you advise people to encourage them like even though the pain is real right now keep going because you will get to the other end because if we don't do this though we're denying ourselves a part of our truth a part of our identity just because we don't confront it doesn't mean that it's not a part of us and to live divided is to say I don't want to confront it.

I'm going to stop the process and only show up in this one space of who I am and then yet we want someone who comes into our lives and we want them to make us feel whole or we want to be confident about every part of our life but we only live in this divided part of ourselves and so I always challenge people to say that like you have to fall more in love with you than you do with the potential outcome that you're achieving or looking to achieve because when you fall in love with all of you even the parts of you that are divided it does change the way you walk into a space you know I really do believe that our strength is in our ruins and yet if we divide ourselves from our ruins then we don't know our strength.

we'll think I can't take another blow I can't take another hit well you could take another blow and take another hit if you learn the lessons from the last blows and last you learn how to duck and weave better okay you know how to lift and prepare for the battle better you know how to think when you go into space but that takes inventory oh god yeah it's interesting because we don't give ourselves permission to really do that with our mind but we do with other things right if you're going to practice it's like public speaking okay yeah you're going to get up you're going to practice you're going to do it time and time again.

we almost don't treat that with our own mindset and the way that we think I totally agree I think it goes back to this idea of I'm afraid that if I look into this that I won't feel worthy or that I will feel silly or not smart and so I am so afraid of not feeling worthy that I don't even want to look at the things that actually make me feel less worthy yeah um so how do you start to change that um I heard you say oh god it was an amazing quote.

I'm gonna grab it um the greatest enemy lies between your ears yeah oh it's the voices that exist within our own mind that causes the most torment um people ask me all the time how you deal with trolls on social media or people who say you know not so nice things on social media and for me the comments that sting the worst are the ones that echo and insecurity I already had now if someone comes on my page and they're like the sky is orange.

I'm like you're crazy You have no idea what you're talking about but someone comes on and they say something that really hurts my feelings it echoes an insecurity I already had and so I really do believe that really taking inventory right of what are the thoughts in my mind and listen what are the roots connected to those thoughts where did that thought come from did someone speak something over me when I was in school and I took that negative thought and allowed it to become my truth did my parents say something to me and I took that negative thought and allowed it to become truth I talked about in the book how someone told me I always knew to expect something like this out of you when I got pregnant and it changed everything.

I thought about myself because I said I must be projecting something that makes me make other people feel like they can expect you know certain behaviors out of me and I allowed that to live in my head until I kind of did the work to find the roots oh my god okay so I really want to just highlight what you just said there so when you were younger you get pregnant someone turns around to you and says I always expected something like this out of you yeah okay that just takes a deep breath that's really hard to hear I'm sure I can't I mean.

it's hard for me to hear you say let alone as you as a kid at the age of 13 hearing that so that's actually where I'd love to go is about identity is about people trying to put us in a bucket and you've even said that you put yourself in a bucket you would call yourself the teen mom and over time like you'd said earlier in this interview that you try to then um replace that with hang on I'm also a college graduate I'm also this how do you block out that voice or start to say that person that comes to you says oh this is what you meant to be yeah.

so let's talk about that process of how you heard that how you were someone that didn't have any self-worth whatsoever that really did think that they were the teen mom that they you know are they meant for any more someone's telling them that day in and day out and your dad is t.d jakes like mr bishop himself and so all the family pressure the cultural pressure it didn't keep you there yeah let's start breaking that down you know I accepted every thought that came my way if oh man this is so good I accepted every thought whether it was I always knew to expect something like this from you I accepted that there's something wrong with you if someone says I love you I accepted that too I accept even if their demonstration didn't look like love.

I accepted every thought that came my way and it wasn't until I realized that just because the thought comes my way doesn't mean I have to accept it to accept the thought is to say I'm going to allow this to now become a part of my truth and there are so many thoughts oh my gosh, especially on social media we are inundated with every person's thoughts and ideas and comments and then so we have to really say that this is the vision of who I believe that I can become for me my vision is based on what I believe god says about me right but ultimately it comes down to this is the vision for my life with all of my leftovers this is what I still hope is possible and if we're honest we still have a hope you know I'm still hoping that I can recover.

I'm still hoping that I can build to really boil it down to what that hope is and then say what are the thoughts and the actions and processes that I need to have in my mind to get there but it doesn't keep the thoughts from coming oh god thank you for saying that it doesn't keep the thoughts from coming so many times we feel like I there's something wrong with me because I don't always believe in myself there's something wrong with me.

I have doubt there's something wrong with me because even though on one hand I feel like I should do this, on the other hand, I kind of feel crazy the thoughts don't stop coming but you have a response to the thoughts there is something powerful about being able to say I don't know if I'm qualified to do this interview but I'm going to do it anyway.

so guys this was my first part of the blog. I will give more details about the blog in the next blog. comment me in the comment section and give me your feedback.